I found myself in a committed relationship and while discussing our future we decided to try for a child together. I had ultimately changed my mind about never having children again after years of supporting friends and family through pregnancies and births. I learned the hospital and OB model wasn’t the only way to do this. That I could hire a midwife and have a home birth in a place I felt safe and supported. Becoming a doula and supporting other families helped heal some of my own birth trauma and medical bias and I am so grateful for that.
Those dreams were too good to be true though. After a move to a new state, I found myself in a place that had made homebirth midwifery illegal…and I was already expecting. I felt so backed into a wall. I knew I would never step foot in another hospital unless I truly needed medical intervention and was gently encouraged by a wonderful midwife friend in another state to research unassisted birth. She invited me into a wonderful group to meet other mothers and doulas and midwives that had taken the steps to educate and empower themselves to birth on their own in their own power and autonomy. It wasn’t what I wanted at the time but it felt like my only choice and I was really fortunate to be guided through the education needed and the support to turn inward learning of my own intuition and honoring it. As time moved along I learned more about prenatal monitoring, nutrition, labor mechanisms, and birth emergencies. The more I learned, the more I realized that this was exactly where I was supposed to be and it started planting the seeds of becoming a midwife one day.
At thirty-seven weeks I woke up from a dream looking down on myself from above as I ran through a maze chasing my baby. There were no contractions, no reason to think labor was coming - but I knew that day felt different. I called my partner who was out of town for work and said that I didn’t know why I knew, but I knew our baby would be here soon. He began to make plans to come home.
I was working as a nanny for multiple families and cared for them like normal that day. Walking to and from the bus stop, making meals, playing with them and changing diapers, doing homework, etc. but by dinner time I was having steady (but mild) contractions. My best friend came home early and after the last daycare kiddo was picked up and the children living in the home had been fed I asked my children to spend some quiet time in their rooms playing until bedtime so I could labor freely roaming the house without distraction. I needed to be able to “turn off” so that I could “turn in”. I rolled on birth balls, did cat/cow stretches, ate well, and went to take a bath and relax while I could. I napped for a bit and was awoken by a call that my partner had made his way back to our state and needed a ride home. So I got dressed to make the drive to get him. The closer I got to his location the stronger my contractions became. Once I saw him and parked, my contractions kicked in hard and strong and were coming four minutes apart. We rode immediately back to the house.
I was confident and comfortable. I prepared well. I took great care of myself and was blessed to have my best friend with me once again to support me alongside my partner. I had a birth photographer to capture amazing memories. I spent most of my labor in the tub in my bathroom and ultimately birthed him there in a squatting position mere seconds after breaking my own water and draining the tub. Just three or so hours after arriving back at home with my partner my baby was here - all six pounds and seven ounces of him at nineteen inches long. My labor was almost entirely painless and the birth high so magical. I was hooked and immediately told my partner that I wanted to do it again. I never realized just how much having the space and support in my autonomy that I desired could heal me. I swore this was the only way I would ever give birth again and my passion grew even further to be able to bring this peace into other’s sacred birth spaces.